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Greener's Law: Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
An American, a Frenchman, and a Vietnamese refugee had a discussion about the happiness of life. "To me, happiness is returning home on a Monday evening, having a wonderful dinner prepared by my wife, then slouching on the sofa watching Monday Night Football," the American said. "You Americans are not romantic at all", the French injected, "Sharing a beautiful evening with my lover, walking along the Seine river, and having a romantic dinner on top of the Eiffel tower. That is happiness of life." "You call those things happiness", the Vietnamese laughed, "then you two still don't understand life at all. Imagine this. You are sleeping soundly at night in Saigon. Then suddenly you hear loud knocks on your front door. You hear loud voices, 'Mr. Nguyen Van Binh, open the door!'. Quaking with fear, you rush out and open the door. Right there, you see two secret policemen ready to handcuff you. One of them says to you, 'Mr. Nguyen Van Binh, you are under arrest for your anti-revolutionary activities. You are being sent to the re-educational camp tonight!' Sweating profusely and shaking uncontrollably, you reply to them, 'Comrades, Mr. Nguyen Van Binh lives next door.' linuxdevices.com -- your embedded linux resource That moment is happiness in life, my friends.
I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. -- W.C. Fields
Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology. -- R. S. Barton
I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. firefox - rediscover the web It was the most *__________horrifying* 20 minutes of my life!
I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it. -- Calvin
When I grow up, I want to be an honest lawyer so things like that can't happen. -- Richard Nixon as a boy (on write results of sql select statement to an outfile the Teapot Dome scandal)
"Dad buried in landslide! Jubilant throngs fill streets! Stunned father inconsolable - demands recount!" -- Calvin
"Being java news brief::oci::november issue disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"
linuxdevices.com influential executives interview series Meeting, n.: An assembly of people coming together to decide what person or department not represented in the room must solve a problem.
Fuck you and anybody who looks like you.
7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National Redwood Forest.
Die Summe der Intelligenz auf dem Planeten ist eine Konstante. Die Bevölkerung wächst.
Lieber siebenmal mit Schneewittchen, als einmal mit den Zwergen...
"free c/c++ libraries, source code and frameworks(thefreecountry.com)" Blessed are the meek for they shall inhibit the earth.
Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can.
Conserve energy -- make little linux systems for projects and products love more slowly.
Randel, n.: A nonsensical poem recited by Irish schoolboys as an apology for farting at a friend. -- Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure & Preposterous Words
He thought he saw an albatross That fluttered 'round java news brief::oci::october issue the lamp. He looked again and saw it was A penny postage stamp. "You'd best be getting home," he said, "The nights are rather damp."
QOTD: "... was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort-of Sun-God robes, on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you? ... Why am I the only one who has that dream?"
Predestination was doomed from the start.
A pretty young boy known as Kevin Was raped in a pasture by seven Lascivious beasts (Oh, those Anglican priests) And such is the Kingdom of Heaven.
Al Gore to Fry: "You fool! You foolish fool!"
Parkinson's Fourth Law: The number of people in products any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.
A stout Gaelic warrior, McPherson, Was having a captive, a person Who was not averse five cool things about iseries access Though she had the curse, And he'd breeches of bristling furs on.
... And malt does more than "appearance, usability and search engine visibility in web design (thesitewizard.com)" Milton can To justify God's ways to man. -- A. E. Housman
Two men, both close to retirement, are working on the assembly line. One boasts to the other, "Last night I made love to my wife *three* times!" "Three times!", replies his friend. "How did you do it?" "Well," says the first man, "I made love to my wife and set the alarm clock for two hours later. When it went off we made love again. Then, I reset it for the morning and we made love once more before I came to work. I feel like a bull!" His friend says, "Well, that *is* fantastic! I'm going to have to give it a try." So, he goes home that night and makes love to his wife. Figuring he doesn't need to set the alarm clock, he settles off to sleep. Waking up a few hours later, he nudges his wife and they make love again. Waking up in the morning he makes love to his wife for the third time. Looking over at the clock he realizes that he's twenty minutes late for work. He throws on his clothes and runs down to the subway. When he gets to the factory his boss is standing there waiting. "Frank", he says, "I've been working for you for 18 years, and I've never been late before. You've got to forgive me twenty minutes this once!" "Well," replies his boss, "okay, but it's not the twenty minutes that had me worried. Where were you Tuesday, where were you Wednesday..."
ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19) You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are not very nice.
K: Cobalt's metal, hard and shining; Cobol's wordy and confining; KOBOLDS topple when you strike them; Don't feel bad, it's hard to object computing inc. like them. -- The Roguelet's ABC
Jesus Saves, Moses Invests, But only Buddha pays Dividends.
A mother and her daughter came to the doctor's office. The mother asked the doctor to examine her daughter. "She has been having some strange symptoms and I'm worried about her," the mother said. The doctor examined the daughter carefully. Then he announced, "Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant." The mother gasped. "That's nonsense!" she said. "Why, my little girl has never even been out with a man, let alone... let alone..." She turns to the girl and said, "Tell the doctor, Susie!" "Yes, Mumsy," said the girl. "Doctor, I have never so much as kissed a man!" The doctor looked from the mother to daughter, and back again. Then, silently he stood up and walked to the window. He stared out. He continued staring until the mother felt compelled to ask, "Doctor, is there something wrong out there?" "No, Madam," said the doctor. "It's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East and I was looking to see if another one was going to show up."
Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
One morning after an evening of particularly heavy drinking, a man awoke and upon rolling over in bed saw one of the ugliest women he had ever seen. As he was about to get out of bed, he looked on the floor and saw another woman even less appealing than the first. Seeing his look of wide-eyed amazement, the woman on the ziff davis media - ziff davis publishing - corporate information floor snapped, "Don't look at me like that, I was only the bridesmaid."
Q: What is the worst story Helen Keller ever read? A: oracle extract text flat file table txt A cheese grater.
Q: How do you keep a moron in suspense?
A green-thumbed young farmer from Leeds Once swallowed a package of seeds. In a month, his ass Was covered with grass And his balls were grown over with weeds.
An Army travels on her stomach.
Hear about... The fellow who chased his girlfriend up search > help a tree and kissed her between the limbs?
Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.
A proper wife should be as obedient as a slave... The female is a female by virtue of a certain lack of qualities -- a natural defectiveness. -- Aristotle
"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in db2 oracle migrate mssql the wrong building." -- Charles Schulz
A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.
"I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore."
If all these sweet young things were laid end-to-end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. -- Dorothy Parker
Q: What's a light-year? A: reading a list of metadata collections using jet odbc One-third less calories than a regular year.
I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation. -- G. B. Shaw
Zapp: "Why'd you open your bong-hole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must have smoked some bad granola."
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it oci - about oci - contact us all over you. -- Mae West
Fortune Personals: SWBiM, 29. Gr/Fr/Mild English. Have own moose, hoop. Sincere inquiries only. Discreet. Fortune P.O. Box 1910.
Her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. -- Woody Allen
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
In China ist gerade ein Fahrrad umgefallen . Damen- oder Herrenrad? . Hat Phoenix etwa nicht bereichtet?
Hobbes: What would you call the creation "free bsd sockets, winsock, tcp/ip and internet libraries and source code (thefreecountry.com)" of the universe? Calvin: The Horrendous Space Kablooie!
I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute -- where no Catholic prelate would tell the president (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister "free security, privacy and anonymity resources (thefreecountry.com)" would tell his parishoners for whom to vote -- where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference -- and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the president who might appoint him or the people who might elect him. -- John F. Kennedy
Q: How many IBM CPU's does it take to execute a job? A: Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
When God created man, She was only testing.
Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
"That woman who iseries information center knew I had dyslexia; I never interviewed her." George W. Bush circa September 16, 2000 The presidential candidate is referring to Gail Sheehy, who had written an article for Vanity Fair, proposing that Governor Bush suffered from dyslexia.
Hear that... those new edible candy pants are about to be distributed in a male version -- with nuts of course?
Dare to be naive. -- R. Buckminster Fuller
"In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. "
My love runs by like a day in June, And he makes no friends of sorrows. He'll tread his galloping rigadoon In the pathway or the morrows. He'll live his days where the sunbeams websphere for z/os v5 connectivity handbook start Nor could storm or wind uproot him. My own dear love, he is all my heart -- And I wish somebody'd shoot him. -- Dorothy Parker
Most fish live underwater, which is a terrible place to have sex because virtually anywhere you lie down there will be stinging crabs and large quantities of little fish staring at you with buggy little eyes. So generally when two fish want to have sex, they swim around and around for hours, looking for someplace to go, until finally the female gets really tired and has a terrible headache, and she just dumps her eggs right on the sand and swims away. Then the male, driven by some timeless, noble instinct for survival, eats the eggs. So the truth is that fish don't reproduce at all, but there are so many of them that it doesn't make any difference. -- Dave Barry, "Sex and the Single Amoeba: What Every Teen Should Know"
The Information Revolution will be fought on the command line. -- From a Slashdot.org post
One good reason why computers can do more work than people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone.
Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. -- Mike Adams
Of course, I speak of nothing else but that classic of understated yet wildly exciting eroticism, "The Windflower," by Laura London. Ms. London is the author of such other philosophical block-busters as "Bad Baron's Daughter," "A Heart Too Proud," "Moonlight Mist," and most thigh-warming of all, "Gypsy Heiress". Well, glasses-steaming scenes are to be found on every page, to an extent which overwhelms Your Humble Narrator, and so, in order to save himself extreme embarrassment, he brings you... the blurb: "Every lady of breeding knows: no one has a good time on a pirate ship. No one, that is, but the pirates. Yet there she was, Merry Wilding -- kidnapped in error, taken from a ship bound from New York to England, spirited away in a php tutorial: writing your first php script: a feedback form (a formmail script) (thesitewizard.com) barrel and swept aboard the infamous "Black Joke"... There she was, trembling with pleasure in the arms of her achingly handsome, sensationally sensual, golden-haired captor -- Devon."
Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers.
Windows NT: Vaporware of the desperate and scared.
A figure with curves always offers a lot "object computing, inc. - java news brief - july 2003" of interesting angles.
"I've changed my style somewhat, as you know. I'm less, I pontificate less, although it may be hard to tell it from this show. And I'm more interacting with people." George W. Bush February 13, 2000 From NBC's Meet The Press.
Well, I went to a party, and what did they do? They took off their socks and they took off their shoes. They took off their shirts, and they took off their pants, I had a hunch, we weren't gonna dance. Everybody, everybody's ass was bare, No bras left, just a queer over there. But the whole damn thing didn't faze me a bit; I "php tutorial part 2: form validation, disabling browser caching, embedding html code (thesitewizard.com)" just jumped on the pile and grabbed some tit. My baby's not a sports fan, But she plays with balls whenever she can. 'Cause her favorite sport you see, Is playing tonsil hockey. [chorus] Eat, bite, fuck, suck, gobble, nibble, chew; Nipple, bosom, hair pie, finger fuck, screw. Moose piss, cat pud, orangutan tit; Sheep pussy, camel crack, pig-lie-in-shit. -- Doctor Dirty, "The Eat-Bite Song"
Free Software: the Software by the People, of the People and for the People. Develop! Share! Enhance! and Enjoy! -- Andy Tai
A teacher announces to her class, "Children, the student who can name the greatest man who ever lived will win a shiny red apple." Immediately an Italian boy raises his hand. "Yes, Tony?" "Christopher Columbus!" says Tony. "Well," says the teacher, "Christopher Columbus was a very great man, but I don't think he was the greatest man who ever lived." From the back of the room little Bernie Goldstein raises his hand. "Yes, Bernie?" "Jesus Christ", says Bernie. "That is correct, Bernie," pronounces the teacher. "And here is your apple." When Bernie gets up to the front of the room to claim his prize, the teacher says, "Bernie, given the fact that you're Jewish, I'm surprised that you thought Jesus was the greatest man who ever lived." "Well, actually," replies Bernie, "I do think Moses had the edge, but business is business."
A bather whose clothing was strewed By breezes that left her quite nude, Saw a "articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml" man come along And, unless I'm quite wrong, You expected this line to be lewd.
Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
"Here's the holiday schedule for Monday's observation of Martin Luther King instructor-led courses Jr.'s birthday, when the following will be closed: * Governmental offices * Post offices * Libraries * Schools * Banks * Parts of Palm Beach and the mind of Senator Jesse Helms of North Carolina." -- Dennis Miller, "Saturday Night Live"
YOUR FOAMY FUTURE by Miss Fortune AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) You have nothing better to think about than what to wear and what type of champagne to take to the neighbors Halloween Party. Just take beer! Don't try to copy the "Joneses", pull them up to your level and remember, in California Hoalloween is redundant anyhow. PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20) Focus on strengthening friendships this Fall. You find others are fascinated by your intelligence, your wit, your drinking ability, and your bank account. Just make sure you realize it's far more impressive when other discover your good qualities without your help.
This guy was screwing his neighbors wife when a car pulls into the drive. "My husband!" she screams. He panics and jumps out the window. He finds himself on the street, naked, under cloudy skies. There is no place to hide except in a crowd of joggers. As he runs along, a woman looks over and says, "Do you always jog in the nude?" "Yes ma'am!" he replies. "Does it always result in that kind of sexual excitement?" she asks. "Yes ma'am!" he replies. "Do you always wear a condom?" "Only when it rains, lady. Only when it rains."
Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: With 2 jdbc overview scoops of dead baby and some rootbeer.
Die Sexualscheu und Sexualheuchelei bilden den Kern dessen, was man Spießertum nennt.
Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECK'S, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ITEM'S. Another important grammar concept to bear in mind when creating hand- lettered small-business signs is that you should put quotation marks around random words for decoration, as in "TRY" OUR HOT DOG'S, or even TRY "OUR" HOT DOG'S. -- Dave Barry, "Tips for Writer's"
Virgin, n.: An ugly third grader.
site map Teddy Kennedy: A Blonde in Every Pond!
"Putting Education First." George W. Bush's Presidential Campaign website July 2000 The presidential candidate's web site gave a priority ranking to important issues of concern to the governor. "Putting Education First" was ranked No. 3 on the list.
I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest. -- Steven Pearl
Q: What can you use used tampons for? A: Tea bags for vampires.
Paul: It seems dark-matter is nature's sex drug. It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguine Viagra and Spanish penguin fly.
Zwischen Wahnsinn und Verstand ist oft "free pascal compilers, free delphi compilers (thefreecountry.com)" nur eine dünne Wand.
Famous last words: (1) Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix. (2) Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there. (3) What happens if you touch these two wires tog-- (4) We won't need reservations. (5) It's always sunny there if it is the i to this time of the year. (6) Don't worry, it's not loaded. (7) They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through any of its streets.
better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus
A GOOD WAY TO THREATEN somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby." -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard -- Prof. Steiner
Hell, if you don't try to remake someone, how are promotions they supposed to know you care?
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. -- Kin Hubbard
I think I'll snatch a kiss jnb-july and flee. -- Shakespeare
to understand recursion, you have to articles understand recursion first
A wanton young lady from Wimley Reproached for not acting quite primly Said, "Heavens above! I know sex isn't love, But it's such an entrancing facsimile."
Hear about... the woman who says two martinis usually make her feel like a new man?
You too can wear mssql oracle migrate sql server a nose mitten.
Theology is an attempt to explain a subject by men who do not understand it. The intent is not to tell the truth but to satisfy the questioner. -- Elbert Hubbard